I am difficult to love. I know this because I’m broken. I know this because sometimes, the past haunts me, even when I’m happy, and I get scared—and tired and frustrated and angry—trying to shoo my ghosts away. I know this because I’ve seen the person I am behind my cheerful, happy-go-lucky mask. I know this because she shows up in the most unexpected times, unwelcomed. But what I also know is that I am loved truly and wholeheartedly—because despite all of this, the people who matter most to me have chosen to stay.
Love isn’t always butterflies, and sunshine, and twirling and dancing. Love isn’t always an Instagram-worthy picture. Sometimes, love is two people crying together, holding each other’s hands, asking Jesus to take the pain away because everything is just too much to bear. It’s withstanding storms. Accepting each other’s past. Having faith to move on. Together.
Josh, I am difficult to love—but you make it seem like it’s so easy. Thank you for keeping my feet on the ground—and more importantly, for reminding me that we have a God far bigger than our worries. (Thank you as well for always dancing silly with me.) As we celebrate our 17th month together (yes, I still keep count!), I just want to tell you how much I appreciate everything you do for me. We’ll get through this together! I’m 100% sure! It’s true what they say—“people like because, and love despite”.
Photo taken at Sénanque Abbey, France