#DearDiary: Dawn Is Nearing

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5AM.

Dawn is nearing.

I am exhausted.

I lie in bed, tossing and turning, fluffing pillows in between.

I can’t keep my eyes shut, so I put on a sleep mask. (A teal one, inspired by Audrey Hepburn.) But alas, the garter wrapped around my head feels too tight. It starts to become annoying. I feel stupid, and take it off in less than five minutes (how does Audrey make it look so chic?)

I stare at the ceiling and sigh.

I toss in bed yet again, grabbing another pillow, carefully placing it in between my thighs.

I try to think of happy thoughts, but all that comes in my mind is a list of things I’ve yet to do. It’s long. And endless. I do not know where to start and how to begin.

I feel like I’m running out of time.

Constantly.

What am I chasing after?

Has life always been this fast-paced?

I try to clear my mind, but I am consumed with my thoughts.

They’re everywhere.

I breathe in. I try to sleep, and begin to count sheep.

1, 2, 3…

Thoughts start piling up one after another.

4, 5, 6…

It’s growing taller…and taller…and taller…

7,8,9…

I am now facing a mountain! I look up and I see it touching the clouds. It seems impossible to overcome. How will I reach its summit?

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Am I happy? Maybe.

But I’ve read somewhere that people can be happy but also unsatisfied.

Maybe I’m one of them.

But then again, maybe I’m not.

Is this what you call a quarter-life crisis? Probably.

Am I pursuing my purpose?

Am I living a life with meaning?

I think and think and think, but I do not have answers.

I only know that I am exhausted—

but I cannot sleep.

I look out the window

and Dawn has arrived.

—Hershey Neri




Photo by Raphael Brasileiro via Pexels