#The20FirstsProject: Bask in the Beauty of Being Alone

#The20FirstsProject: Bask in the Beauty of Being Alone

There are times I'd dream of glorious soaring. I would overlook giant trees, traverse majestic mountains, and admire the beauty of the world in silence. But as I would ascend higher into the clouds, my wings would eventually go numb. And then they would break. And I would hopelessly come spiraling down to Earth.

These are the days I would feel lonely.

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Super New, Super You: Maybelline Super BB Cream Giveaway Contest

"I love you, that's why I'm trying to change you."

That was probably the biggest lie I've heard from a past relationship. After years and years of being told I'm not lady-like enough, or street smart enough, or responsible enough, or thin enough, or fair enough, or flawless enough, I eventually (oh god, thankfully) figured out that I have had enough. A person who loves you won't make such a big deal out of your flaws. And a person who loves you won't try to make you fit into a "perfect girl" cookie-cutter mold and hope you come out as his very own "ideal girlfriend". 

Now, don't go around thinking I'm this expert love guru, master of relationshipsbecause I am not. I might as well be "halaman" til God-knows-when cause I'm pretty good at ruining my own relationships with my awkwardness, too. Lol. But one thing I'm certain at is that love shouldn't be complicated, and that love shouldn't pull you down, and that love shouldn't force you to pretend to be someone you're not.

"I'm trying to protect you because you won't survive by yourself."

He used to say I'm such a damsel in distress. I've been told that I won't last a week out alone. But you know what?

I like to think that I've come out of this a lot stronger, and a little bit wiser. And it's about time I prove myself that sometimes, the princess doesn't need saving.

And in an endless pursuit of truth, I declare that 2016 will be the year I learn to be strong— even if it means having to journey on my own.

What's your New Year's resolution? We'd love to hear it, so please SHARE IT WITH US! :)


1. Take a snapshot like this and upload it on Instagram together with the hashtags #SuperBBCream #SuperNewSuperYou #SuperBBxHershey. You can write your resolutions on any piece of paper. The top 3 posts with the best captions will win a very, very special gift pack from Maybelline Philippines!

2. Make sure to set your photos on public so we can view them!
3. You can send in as many entries as you want as long as you don't use the same photo! Oh and no need to tag me in it, too. :)

GOOD LUCK! And have a SUPER year ahead! :)

Photo by Carlo De Guzman (Carlo de Guzman)

Make up by Janine Monroy (Makeup Duty by Janine Monroy)

 Stay tuned this week for a product review of Maybelline's revolutionary, highly pigmented BB Cream! :)


What happened?

You used to ask me how my day went. 

You used to be interested in listening to what I would say,

even when—especially when— I started talking about my weirdest, most bizarre ideas.

You used to tell me stories. Wonderful stories. Stories worth laughing to or learning from.

You used to share me your secrets.

(I still keep your secrets.)

You used to talk about your plans, your dreams, your principles.

You used to like me. 

You used to like us.

What happened?


January 16, 2015

I tried. And I'm tired.

Love, Madness, Poetry: It's Always Darkest Before the Dawn

Dawn: a beautiful reminder that each day, you could start anew.


January 6, 2016

     It was a dark night when the doorbell rang. We had an unexpected visitor, an unwelcomed guest. And the next thing we knew, the night was filled with even darker lies.

    I could distinctly remember how we all felt then: scared and angry and brave, all at the same time. It is a depressing truth that some people go out of their ways for power, for money, for ego. 

    But still—isn't it divine? That just when you're about to give up because everything seems hopeless and the world tells you that you can't do anything about the situation,  you are reminded of one thing: that you have a choice.

That you can choose to set things right and start anew,

  every morning,

  every day.

That you don't have to lose this battle.


   Earlier today, a notification flashed on my phone screen. It was a timely quote sent by my sorority sister, Meriel.

       It was a quote by Edmund Burke. I read:

 "The only thing required for evil to triumph is for good men to do nothing."

Impermanence: some people aren't meant to stay in our lives forever

January 2, 2015
4:20 AM

by H.N.

Some people aren't meant to stay in our lives forever.

they were meant to help us forget; 
to help our hearts heal
faster, easier.

They were meant to pick us up,
dust off our knees,
and remind us of everything we are and could possibly be.
A note. A promise of a brighter future.
Our own secret little metaphor of hope and better days; 
sunshine and warmth; happiness, even. 

They were meant to help us see the silver lining of things. To view the world from a different perspective. To love our scars.

They were meant to touch our lives through little things we'd often take for granted;
Like through good music. Or through books by authors you've never heard of before. 
Or through conversations on life, on passion, on questions like where-do-you-see-yourself-in-ten-years; on politics, on ice cream flavors, on stories of how we got our pets or the stupid things we did back when we were children.

You see, the thing is, some people will bring happiness after what may seem too long since.
Some will make us believe again. In the world. In humanity. In ourselves. Sometimes, maybe even in love,


we have to remember

that some people will make us hope for things, wonderful things, we'd never even imagine ourselves hoping for

but they weren't meant to stay in our lives forever.

Love, Madness, Poetry: "The Art of Losing Isn't Hard to Master"

They say not everyone we lose is a loss.


One Art by Elizabeth Bishop

The art of losing isn’t hard to master;

so many things seem filled with the intent

to be lost that their loss is no disaster.

Lose something every day. Accept the fluster

of lost door keys, the hour badly spent.

The art of losing isn’t hard to master.

Then practice losing farther, losing faster:

places, and names, and where it was you meant

to travel. None of these will bring disaster.

I lost my mother’s watch. And look! my last, or

next-to-last, of three loved houses went.

The art of losing isn’t hard to master.

I lost two cities, lovely ones. And, vaster,

some realms I owned, two rivers, a continent.

I miss them, but it wasn’t a disaster.

—Even losing you (the joking voice, a gesture

I love) I shan’t have lied. It’s evident

the art of losing’s not too hard to master

though it may look like (


 it!) like disaster.

Breathe in, let go, and be free.

"In the process of letting go you will lose many things from the past, but you will find yourself."

Deepak Chopra

The first weeks of October was a huge burn out. In an attempt to distract myself from the hurt and betrayal, I allowed work to drown me. I signed up for so many things, committed to different projects, and attempted to finish a long list of tasks, only to be left feeling insecure and unaccomplished in the end, just because I couldn't deliver. My flames of passion were slowly extinguishing. I was looking for an escape; I was searching for happiness and inspiration in all the wrong places. I was lost. Worse, empty. 

But just when I was about to give up one night (the millennial inside me decided to take a break from everything by deactivating all her social media accounts and not showing up to people for days),  I'm thankful to have found a ray of sunshine during an inconvenient 2AM phone call, my own tiny little secret metaphor of hope and better days, that made long nights a whole lot tolerable, and sometimes, better.

So I choose to get back up.  To relax. To take a deep breath, a break, and a cup of tea this beautiful Sunday afternoon. There is so much beauty in this life and it is a waste to let bitterness and hurt get in the way of appreciating the now. And even though it hurts to think that I will never get the apology I've long been waiting for, I choose to let go. And in the process, find happiness, inner peace, and eventually, myself.

As the old saying goes, it is when you let go that you are finally free.

All photos were taken by April Baldovino (IG: @aprilbaldovinoo)



Why I am done with being a meantime girl.

"She's the one you call when you're bored because she makes you laugh. She's the one you talk to when you're feeling down because she's willing to lend an ear and be a friend. But she's not the one you call when you need a date to your company's Christmas party, or to go dancing with on a Saturday night. She's the one you spend time with between girlfriends, before you find 'The One'. You know, the one you keep in the meantime." --Anonymous

Photo by Pauline Disuanco of 31 Girl


The dating game is complicated.

You spend time with a person and you tell yourself you won't get attached because you're just 'hanging out'.

You talk at night, go out for dinner, go to the movies, share inside jokes, and you tell yourself that everything's fine and everything's casual, but then as time passes by, you find yourself tearing your walls down and letting him in, and then in a blink of an eye you realize that, crap, you do like him, but you're not supposed to, and he's not supposed to know, because, again, you're just "hanging out".

And then you pretend like nothing's up, that you're fine and cool and chill,

and you both continue playing the game,

because they say love is one, after all.

But you're not supposed to assume, or jump into conclusions, or take things as you see it. Because everything is all just for fun and no, he doesn't like you that way. So stop.

 "This is just how it's supposed to go", I thought.

 "I'm okay with this."

Until slowly, eventually, I was left feeling empty and searching for things that weren't even there. I was willingly exposing the deepest parts of myself for nothing. I was getting involved and attached, for nothing.

 And I don't even know why I had to put myself in this situation. I didn't have to, and I don't even have to.

I'm not okay with this, after all.


I don't want to be the girl you text at 2AM when you're bored or drunk;

I want to be your 7AM good morning, your 1PM-tell-me-what-you've-had-for-lunch, your 6PM-you-wouldn't-believe-what-happened-today.

I want to talk to you about your dreams, your passions, the things that inspire you or make you happy or tick you off or keep you awake at night. I want to know you, the real you behind that calm and composed and mysterious facade of yours.

I don't want to be the girl you run to /just/ when you're sad or lonely or confused;

I want to be the girl you'd like to spend boring days with, doing nothing but eat Chinese takeout or sweet and spicy instant noodles over movies or video games or board games, even.

I don't want anymore of those empty kisses that leave me feeling loved and wanted, but only for a night;

I long for assuring warm, tight hugs that glue together all of my broken pieces and promise better days ahead.

But we're just not on the same page.

Because at the end of it all, you don't see me as anything else but someone to keep you company while you're in this phase of fooling around and doing crazy things so you can discover yourself and explore the world and know what you really want, until you realize you're finally ready to get serious and look for the 'right girl'.

But I won't ever be her, because it's obvious that I'm just your meantime girl.

It's time I realize my worth, and for mercy's sake, I am far worth more than this.

We are far worth more than this.


Darling, it doesn't have to be this way.

If the dating game isn't for you, then it's okay. It's not everyone's cup of tea, anyway.

Don't stick around with people who make you feel sorry for things you shouldn't be.

You need someone who won't make you feel guilty for texting first;  someone constant; someone who shows his/her appreciation for you not with grand gestures, but with the everyday, boring, little things. Trust me, they're the most sincere ones.

Know your worth, and never compromise with your non-negotiables.

Too much

Sometimes I feel like people think I'm
too needy
too weak
too helpless.

And oftentimes, I feel alone.

What if no one ever sees past my scars?
What if no one chooses to understand?
What if no one chooses to stay?

After all,
I'm too broken to be loved, anyway.

/ I'm sorry I can't win this fight. /

Pagod na pagod.

Ang daming gagawin.

Ano ba uunahin ko?

Mag-thesis? Mag-aral? Mag-sulat ng papers? Mag-org? Magtrabaho? Mag-email kay boss? Hindi ko na alam.

Ah, basta. Pagod na ako.

Pagod na pagod na akong

Mag-thesis. Mag-aral. Mag trabaho. Magpapayat. Mag-mahal. Magpa-ikot. Ma-inlove. Magpaka-tanga.

 Sino ba binibiro ko?

Teka, trabaho pa ba pinaguusapan natin?



Because sometimes, going to the village park at 5AM to declutter your life is the best thing to do

Because sometimes, going to the village park at 5AM to declutter your life is the best thing to do

Sometimes, it's okay to grab your favorite sweater and head out of the house while half of the world's asleep; it's okay to walk to the village park at 5 in the morning, just because you've been looking for some symbolic shit to do, to remind yourself that you'll be fine, and most importantly, that's it's all over now; that there's nothing to be afraid of anymore.

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Darling, take the nearest exit: A letter to my 16-year-old-self

He will be mysterious.

He will seem distant and unattainable,

and then he 

will woo you

and tell you that you’re different from the other girls.

He will tell you he still finds you pretty even when you’ve had a long ass night and your hair is all over your face and you still haven’t slept and you’re stuck with a truckload of problem sets to work on and you have no idea how you’re going to apply college algebra in real life anyway.

He will go out of his way to make you feel special.

He will text you at 3PM.

He will text you at 3AM.

He will make you feel like you’re the only one running in his mind.

And you will fall for it.


Because as soon as you let him know you’re falling for it, the game changes.

He will lock you up in his fingers.

He will keep you

trap you inside

and then 

he will let go of you


without any warning.

And you will come running after him. Desperately.

He will tell you he loves you.

He will let his walls fall down

and you’ll feel good about him tearing down his facade for you.

He will make you feel nice and warm inside.

He will kiss your forehead and tuck your hair behind your ears

He will surprise you with beautiful gestures.

but then

He will make you feel that you’re not enough.

He will tell you that you’re

not pretty enough

not smart enough

not feminine enough

not good enough

And the next thing you’ll know,

you’re left broken

and empty

and lost

and hurt.

You will be a stranger to yourself.

So darling, as soon as you see the red flag,

take the nearest exit. 

Run as fast as you can.

And don’t look back.

You’re not lonely. You’re just alone and that’s okay.

You’re just sixteen and you were meant for greater things.

Don’t go ahead chasing people who don’t know your worth. You were meant to be loved and pursued, and you should remember that.

You’re still young. Don’t rush relationships.

Love isn’t built for speed, anyway.

Love, Madness, Poetry: Goodbye, really.

2 o'clock on a Sunday afternoon, and I think I'm ready.

2 o'clock and I remind myself that it's about time.

I'm tired of waiting and hoping for all the wrong reasons.

So I say goodbye and let go of all our "if onlys".

I say goodbye to all the things you said that left me hoping still.

I say goodbye to you, and

and I say goodbye to what could have been us.

Goodbye. I'm letting you go, not because I want to, but because I have to. And because we have to.

"So when people leave, I’ve learned the secret: let them. Because, most of the time, they have to.

 Let them walk away and go places. Let them have adventures in the wild without you. Let them travel the world and explore life beyond a horizon that you exist in. And know, deep down, that heroes aren’t qualified by their capacity to stay but by their decision to return."

—The Staying Philosophy, Isa Garcia

(Poem source: Berlin-artparasites)

Love, Madness, Poetry: We almost were.

Yes, I'm still not completely over you, or over us, or rather, over what could have been an us. But I'm trying my hardest. Earlier tonight, I saw this poem on berlin-artparasite's page, and it struck me. 

This needs to end.

"I need to stop being in love with the ideas of what could have been. We could have slowly inched closer and held each other a little tighter. We could have laughed a little harder and fallen in love some more. There are so many things that could have happened, but didn’t. We almost were. We almost weren’t. We almost happened. Cupid almost won. But he didn’t. And we didn’t either. "

— Ming D. Liu

Love, Madness, Poetry: He probably doesn’t know what he wants.

“He may still love you. He probably does. He probably doesn’t know what he wants. He probably still thinks about you all the time. But that isn’t what matters. What matters is what he’s doing about it, and what he’s doing about it is nothing. And if he’s doing nothing, you most certainly shouldn’t do anything. You need someone who goes out of their way to make it obvious that they want you in their life.” 

-- Eliza Engellenner

Love, Madness, Poetry: How to Pretend It Doesn't Hurt by Ashe Vernon

It's 4AM and I just finished doing work. I can't sleep, and I don't think I have plans on doing so anymore; I have to wake up by 6 for school. So here I am writing this post, tryna get my mind off things; tryna focus on what's important, on the here and on the now.

A week ago, my sorority sis sent me a poem that she stumbled upon that night. She knew I was feeling down, and that this would somehow make me feel better. She was right.

I just thought It'd be nice to share it with you, too. 

Here's to the girls who had every piece inside of them break and crumble.
We are more than our heartaches.
We are strong, and in time, we will not just get by
-- we will grow and blossom and love again.

How to Pretend It Doesn't Hurt
by Ashe Vernon

When he says he doesn’t love you anymore, roll your shoulders back and look him in the eye even when it feels like your ribs are breaking inward; like spider legs.
When he digs up old aches that he swore he forgave you for, smile and ask him why he didn’t leave you sooner.
Ignore the way the words feel like sandpaper running all the way up your throat to your mouth.
When he blames you for mistakes that wear his face, do not scream.
Do not cry.
Tell him that there are boys who would be proud to say they’d love you.
Tell him that in two years you won’t even remember his name and don’t let him see the way you can taste your own lie.
When he leaves, ignore the howling in your blood and do not get up after him. Not even to lock the door.
Do not, do not, DO NOT. Smell his shirts when you box them up to give them back. Not one.
Swear off dating when you realize you’re chasing ghosts that wear his smile.
It’s okay to cry over him. It’s even okay to forgive him. But do not go back to him if he did not know how to love you the first time. He won’t know how to do it the next.